Damaged
by ExiledfromAzerath
Summary: Slade rapes Raven, then everything begins to unravel. TW: Sexual Assault, Self Harm
1. Damaged

When the Titans found her, she was alone.

Slade's layer had not changed much from their last encounter, and his contract with Trigon only made his layer darker.

He had over done himself, the Titans had to admit. The amount of robotic minions and the assistance of the Hive Five were certainly more than Robin had strategized for. While Robin had expected much from Slade, and while he felt he could infer what Slade's motives and actions could be, he had never fathomed this. He had no idea Slade would kidnap Raven again, and he had no idea why he wanted to.

It was strange; Raven was not an easy target. With her powers alone, he would have had more luck with almost anyone else on the team, Robin included. Although Robin could admit why Slade may have chosen Raven; perhaps Slade wanted the powers Trigon had contracted him back, or perhaps it was just a ploy to put the team on edge.

But all of the detective skills in the world couldn't have helped Robin come to this conclusion.

Robin rushed to her side on the concrete floor to examine her. She was unconscious, blood dripping from the side of her head and from the lacerations on her naked body. Cyborg and Beastboy turned their eyes away, unwilling to violate their friend with their gaze. Starfire stiffened her lip to try and hold back tears. Robin struggled to make a log in his head. She was going to need stitches, and possibly ice to avoid black eyes from her broken nose…

Then Robin noticed the blood caked between her thighs. He tried to deny it to himself, to say that Slade was evil, but he couldn't have possibly been so cruel. Robin removed his cape and wrapped it around her, attempting to spare the other Titans from this resolution until absolutely necessary. Although he knew it was pointless to try, he didn't want any of them to feel what he was feeling.

Anger. Agony. Fear for their friend.

Robin's heartfelt shredded, and the only way he could cope without releasing his anger was to call out orders. He called Cyborg over and asked him to lift their unconscious friend and carry her to the hospital. He instructed Starfire to go back to the tower and retrieve clothing to replace Raven's destroyed ones. He then instructed Beastboy to aid Cyborg in delivering Raven safely. As much as Robin wanted to go after Slade, and as close as he was to taking off after him, it was not the time to make the situation about himself and his need for revenge. It was time to focus on Raven and getting her the help she needed.


	2. Shattered

The emergency room was alive with bustling nurses and doctors and dreadful patients. When the staff saw Cyborg in the doorway, they all stopped and stared. The Titans were in the tabloids every day, but rarely did they ever visit the Jump City ER without a serious injury.

"Yo I need a doctor over here!" Cyborg hollered. He was concerned because Raven was not healing herself, despite her powers being fully functional just hours before. Something had to be wrong and Cyborg didn't want anything worse to happen to his little sister. Beastboy stood by the emergency room door. There was no way anyone bad was coming in while Raven was there.

Nurses arrived with a gurney and an array of equipment and instructed Cyborg to place her down onto the cot. The nurses were quick to rush her into an examination room but Cyborg was quick as well.

"She's not going anywhere without me." He said sternly. There was no room for negotiation with his voice.

"Are you family?" One nurse asked, though knowing full well what the answer should have been. Cyborg's response took her off guard.

"I'm as close as she has. She goes nowhere without me."

Once Raven was moved from a gurney into a hospital bed, she was swarmed with pink scrub clad nurses, being poked and prodded and documented on a large clipboard. Cyborg wanted to help, but there was only so much he could do outside of his own infirmary, where he was in charge. Instead Cyborg answered questions to the best of his ability:

"She was beaten. I don't know with what."

"Obviously not regular person, do you think some two cent robber could do that?!"

"She's half demon; I doubt blood transfusions will do much."

The doctor arrived after what felt like ages to Cyborg and spoke quietly with the nurses.

"Alright, let's get a rape kit in here before the press show up. Last thing we need is a bunch of photographers snooping around." Cyborg's stomach crashed to the floor. A rape kit? Did that mean that Raven…

It was at this point that Raven opened her eyes. A nurse was immediately at her side, checking her pupils with a flash light and her pulse with her fingers.

"Miss Roth? We are going to perform a rape kit? Are you okay with this?" Raven didn't respond, which made Cyborg's heart sink more.

Cyborg watched in shock and dismay as the rape kit specialist arrived and proceeded to take photographs and body samples. Raven did not speak during the entire examination, only following the specialist's orders to move her body. It was painful for Cyborg to watch, but he knew it couldn't have been as painful as it was for Raven to endure it.

When Robin and Starfire arrived, the sun was just beyond the horizon, signaling the new day approaching. The Titans had been up all night. The specialist and his camera were long gone. Cyborg met both of them outside of Raven's room with a heavy heart.

"She's not talking Rob. Hasn't said a damn thing since she woke up." Cyborg uttered with a sullen voice.

"I shall help Raven get the dressed." Starfire entered Raven's room and shut the door behind her. Robin took the opportunity to get an update from Cyborg, perhaps to ease his own mind.

"Well, what did the doctor say?" He asked"

"Defiantly a concussion and a broken nose. Doc said she might have trouble seeing out of her right eye for a while. We'll have to keep an eye on that. And a sprained wrist."

Robin cringed at Cyborg's news. While it could have been a lot worse, it could have been a lot better too.

"They also did a rape kit. Robin, do you think Slade raped her?" Robin looked away, Raven's broken body and bloody legs flashing in his mind.

"I think he did." Cyborg looked down, anger flaring in his eyes.

"Well what are we gonna do?"

"We're going to make sure it will never happen again."

Raven and Starfire entered the hallway, Starfire's hands on Raven's shoulders, leading her down the hallway to the main desk. Raven's eyes , bruised and swollen, cast downward to the floor. Starfire had given her black jeans and a long sleeved blue shirt and blue converse sneakers to change into. Robin could feel her pain through their bond and his heart throbbed with anger.

"We'll make him pay for it."


	3. Frozen

The Titans arrived back to the tower in silence. Robin and Cyborg were not ready to tell Starfire and Beastboy the seriousness of what Raven had gone through, and Raven wasn't ready to tell anyone everything. She said nothing to anyone during the ride home and Starfire escorted her back to her bedroom without a word.

Robin was conflicted. On one hand, he wanted to search for Slade, capture him and bring him to justice. On the other hand, he did not even want to consider leaving Raven alone, or even consider the chance that Slade would come to the tower.

But it was early in the morning and none of the titans had slept. Robin knew he would not be able to go after Slade exhausted, and none of the other titans looked like they were in any shape to hunt after Slade either.

Robin wandered slowly to his room and collapsed onto the bed. He shut his eyes in hopes that sleep would come, but all he felt was a dark ocean turning in his stomach. He could feel Raven's distress from down the hallway. Their bond was so powerful and so useful and yet Robin had no idea how to control it. Only Raven understood the mechanisms of it and whenever she had tried to explain it to him, he found himself lost.

Every time Robin shut his eyes, he could feel her distress, her fear and her pain. The oceans in Robin's stomach began to thrash and behind Robin's eyelids, he could see Slade's face. Was this his own conscious tormenting him, or was it Ravens?

Robin already knew the answer.

With a grunt Robin rose from his bed, and slowly trotted to Raven's bedroom. The closer he got, the more violent the waves thrashed. A deep hum radiated in Robin's mind. He had never felt so much of a pull of his mind towards her, never has he felt an almost physical calling from her body towards hers.

When Robin arrived at her door, he was almost afraid of how he would find her. Something did not feel right. If the bond was humming so loud in his ears, there had to be something terribly wrong.

When Raven didn't answer, Robin's heart rose to his throat. Was something wrong? Did she hurt herself?

He slowly opened the door.

"Raven? Are you in here?" The lights were off but the sun was struggling to shine behind the blue curtains. A small breathing mound of blankets bundled up at the opposite end of the bed.

"Raven? Can I come in?" Robin walked forward, hesitant. What if he was wrong? What if he was reading the bond completely wrong? He walked slowly towards the bed and sat down. The humming in his ears was slowing and starting to resemble a dull thump, like a heartbeat. Was that Raven's heartbeat he was hearing? Why would he be hearing that?

Robin reached out and placed his hand on Raven's shoulder. She flinched and froze instantly, Robin jerked his hand back. She wouldn't speak, but Robin could hear her in the back of his mind.  
" _Stay. Please."_

Was that her mind or his own? Robin didn't feel like it mattered. He laid on the opposite side of the bed, being sure to not touch her, but to make his presence known. He wanted her to know that he was there for her, that she was safe. Whether or not she believed it was Robin's guess.

Soon, the thumping quieted and the waves calmed. She just wanted someone to be there with her. Robin was not sure if she would have taken anyone else, but he was under the impression that maybe she wouldn't have.

Robin's heart skipped whenever she moved, and he couldn't fathom why, his head swimming with all of the things he wanted.

He wanted to comfort her.

He wanted to protect her.

He never wanted Raven to have to fight Slade again.


	4. Shelter

When Robin opened his eyes, the sun was starting to set. How long had he been asleep? He reached his fingers out in search of Raven's presence, and found nothing. He stood up slowly, blood rushing to pump to his brain and awake him. He opened her bathroom door and looked inside.

There Raven was crouched, hugging her knees in her bath tub; wearing the same clothing she was when they had arrived home. She was staring at the bath tile in front of her and did not even turn to acknowledge Robin.

He slowly stepped forward to the bathtub and then crouched down beside the edge of the tub.

"Raven? What are you doing in here?" She didn't respond until he placed a hand on her shoulder.  
"Raven?" He whispered softly. She turned to him.

The bruises under her eyes and around the bridge of her nose were starting to swell and turn purple. The stitches sown into her forehead were puckered red and angry. Her wrist in the soft white cast looked purple and inflated. It looked painful, and Robin had to hold himself back from cringing.

"I couldn't breathe." She stated, her voice trembling and shallow. Robin almost didn't recognize the voice leaving her lips. "And I couldn't get myself out onto the roof. I couldn't even open the door. So I came in here."

She pulled her knees closer to her chest but couldn't escape the feeling like she was completely exposed in front of Robin. She did not want to admit that just a few hours earlier, she _was_ completely exposed in front of him in the most intimate ways. Why did this kind of thing keep happening to her? Why was Robin always the one finding her? Why was he always the one seeing the most vulnerable side of her?

"I could help you go outside if you want Raven. I'll be with you the entire time." All Robin wanted to do was make Raven feel better. He wanted her to act like herself again; act like the Raven he knew and spent so many years working with and growing up with.

She shook her head, looking down onto the floor tile. She couldn't meet his eyes yet. She wasn't ready to see what he was thinking about her.

"I can't. I just can't do it. I've never…It doesn't even make sense why I can't." Raven had always been able to fight against any fear she had. Whether it took some time or not, she was always able to face anything that stepped in her way and concur it. The problem was that Slade was the one that stopped her, not her bedroom door. She didn't want to feel like a prisoner in her own home.

"That's alright Raven. Are you hungry?" She shook her head no. She couldn't eat; she couldn't even consider the idea.

"You need to eat. I'll go see what Cyborg has made for dinner." Robin stood up and left the bathroom, his head swimming with thought as he walked down the hallway to the lounge. He needed to talk to Cyborg. He needed to sit the other titans down and explain what exactly happened to Raven over the course of their last mission. The problem was that he only knew small pieces of the story; Raven was barely speaking. There was no way she was going to be able to tell the team exactly what had happened anytime soon.

When he entered the lounge, his confidence on the tasks he needed to do disappeared. Beastboy was vegetating in front of the TV while Starfire asked him questions about the programming. They both seemed slightly fatigued from their last mission, but they were acting normal. Robin was almost offended until he remembered Starfire and Beastboy did not know what exactly had happened to Raven. They knew she was beaten and that she was hurt, but they did not know the extent of the damage.

Cyborg on the other hand was a personification of how Robin was feeling. He looked completely drained, dark circles under his one human eye that exposed how little he had slept. He seemed distant and distracted in the kitchen, absentmindedly shredding what appeared to be mozzarella cheese onto a pizza crust.

"Hey Cyborg." Robin greeted, sitting at the barstool at the long bar table by the kitchen. Cyborg turned and looked at him.

"Yo. Pizza's gonna be a few. I couldn't uh…just couldn't get into it today if you know what I mean." He muttered slowly.

"That's alright." Robin said.

"Speak for yourself! I'm starving." Beastboy piped in, moving over from his position on the couch to the barstool next to Robin with Starfire at his flank. His voice sounded peppy at first but his face and voice became sullen and soft.

"How's Raven?"

"Yes, we have not seen her since we have come home. Is she the "okay"?" Starfire chimed in. Starfire leaned forward, wishing to hear what Robin had to say.

"She's really banged up, in more ways than one. I want everyone on high alert and I want the security system on 100%. If he comes within 10 miles of this place I want everyone to act immediately. Show no hesitation and alert me immediately. I do _**not**_ want Slade on the premises." His voice was authoritative, cold and unwavering. Starfire loved this aspect of him almost as much as she resented it. She had so much love to give and she felt that she was always trying to appeal to Robin the Leader rather than Robin her friend. When they went to Tokyo, Japan together, she felt something spark. She knew she felt it and she was so sure he did too. When they came home from that they were inseparable and Starfire couldn't get enough of it.

But that was two years ago, and the midnight movies and intimate afternoons together slowly dwindled along with their hidden kisses and longing stares. Starfire thought they were in love, but every day she was less and less sure about it.

"But what did he do? I mean we know Slade beat her up but how bad is it?" Beastboy asked. Robin and Cyborg's eyes went dark.

"She won't be able to engage in combat for a while, under the doctor's orders and my own." Robin stated, rigid now. Beastboy did not know and that was not his fault, but Robin felt angry when he had to think about the details of everything that had happened, regardless of the fact that he saw her injuries whenever he closed his eyes.

Before the three other titans realized it, Cyborg was placing a fresh pizza on the counter. It was steaming from the oven and smelt like the gods had sent them takeout. Cyborg prepared enough plates for everyone, including Raven, and handed Robin two.

"Tell her its extra cheese; how she likes it." He said. Robin nodded and walked back to Raven's room. Starfire reached out for him and called his name, but he did not respond to her. Starfire wanted to reignite Robin's desire for her, but she was starting to wonder if perhaps he had set his sights elsewhere.


	5. Numb

When Robin walked back into Raven's room, he wasn't expecting what was on the other side of the door.

Raven stood just a few feet from the door, eyes wide at Robin's entrance, one of her pale hands reaching towards the door.

"Hey, I brought pizza. Did you want to eat in the common room?" He started to speak more, but his eyes moved down her frame to her right arm, which was by her side and almost hidden by her sleeve.

Blood dripped slowly from her hand to the purple carpet.

Robin immediately placed the pizza on the dresser and rushed over to her.

"Raven what is that?! What happened?" Relying only on impulse, Robin reached out and grabbed her arm, shoving the stained sleeve back and examining the source of the blood. A jagged cut about two inches long protruded from the inside of her forearm. It was not deep, and Robin found himself sighing in relief just on that.

"I-I hit my arm when I left the bathroom. I didn't mean to…" Raven's stuttering voice lead Robin to believe she was lying, but Robin also believed that the last thing Raven needed was to be doubted at that point. He led her back into the bathroom and started to tend to the cut. He noticed blood on the lip of the bathtub faucet. He made a note to himself to have all of the faucets in the tower smoothed out in the future.

The bleeding wouldn't slow, and Robin wondered why such a shallow wound would bleed so much.

"Maybe we should have Cyborg look at thi-"

"No!" Raven interrupted loudly with an edge to her voice. Once she realized how she sounded, she faltered. "I don't want him to worry."

"You might need some steri strips to close it up until it heals."

"Would you do it?"

"I'd rather not." Robin knew Cyborg had a stronger medical background than he did, and at least had some medical certifications in place.

"Please." Those violet eyes weren't letting him tell her no, and Robin found himself walking by himself to the tower's infirmary and digging through the cabinets in search of steri strips. What was he doing? He should be calling for Cyborg. He should be asking Cyborg to tend to Raven's cut. Why was he doing it himself? Why was he bending to her every desire like that? Was it because he was worried about her? Felt sorry for her? Or was it something else?

Robin found the steri strips, and started to turn around to leave the infirmary. When he turned he smacked his face right into Cyborgs metallic chest.

"OOF!' He stumbled back and rubbed his forehead, feeling like an idiot. He should be paying more attention to his surroundings. Had Batman taught him nothing?

"Whatcha got there Rob?" Cyborg crossed his massive arms.

Cyborg wasn't convinced Raven's injury was an accident as he bandaged her up, and Raven wasn't convinced Robin tried his best to keep his mouth shut when Cyborg caught him.

As the three of them sat in silence, Robin contemplated whether or not more actions should be taken to alleviate Raven's anxiety. She had been home for less than two days and was already agoraphobic and hurting herself. As a leader, Robin has rarely ever struggled with making a decision to benefit his teammates but as a friend he felt conflicted. Robin felt torn between sending Raven away to get some emotional help and keeping her in the tower and guarding her like guard dog with hopes that she'll recover from this. Apparently, Cyborg was feeling the same way.

"Raven, I really think you should start talking to someone about this. The sooner you start to deal with it the better. The justice league has some resources. I can make some calls-"Raven shook her head.

"I don't need to talk about it Cyborg. I'm fine. It's not a big deal." Cyborg felt taken aback.

"Raven, it _is_ a big deal. What happened was-" She interrupted him

"Nothing happened Cyborg."

"That's not what the doctor said." Raven refused to make eye contact with either Cyborg or Robin. Robin couldn't understand how she could deny this happened to her. Was she honestly unaware or did she want to forget?

Suddenly the Titan Alarm started to blare, and Starfire and Beastboy could be heard calling out for the others. Robin and Cyborg looked at Raven and then each other before darting out the door. Raven sat frozen on the bed, unsure of how to react anymore. Robin headed to the door with Cyborg well ahead of him. Robin looked back at Raven's still form.

"We'll be back Raven. Stay here." He said, and shut the door behind him.


	6. Skinny Love

_Raven watched as Robin shut the door behind him. Although he spoke of food, Raven was far from hungry. Her stomach was turning like a stormy ocean with no sign of calming. Raven couldn't go near her bedroom door without feeling ice freeze her arm. She scolded herself, agitated by these new limitations that were consuming her. She rubbed her hands against her arms and the motion didn't feel right, almost like static. She felt numb in a way she had never felt before, no matter how controlled hr emotions had once been._

 _With Robin's presence gone, the room suddenly became too big for Raven to bear. There was too much room, too much space for…him… Pressure began to build up deep in her chest and she realized she needed to get somewhere safer before it was too late._

 _Raven ran to the opposite side of her bedroom and threw open the door to the bathroom. She crouched down into the tub, brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Her chest continued to tighten like she was being constricted. Her lungs refused to take in and release air. She ran her hands across her wrists and still couldn't feel anything but static. Even the cool bathtub did not sooth her._

 _Why was she feeling this way? Raven had worked so hard to open herself up to her emotions after Trigon had arrived, and now all she could feel was anxiety and fear. This shouldn't be a big deal…Nothing happened after all….Nothing happened…._

 _She let out a frustrated yell and started slamming her wrist against the lip of the tub faucet over and over and over again. She only stopped when she drew blood. The scarlet drips complimented the stark white porcelain. Raven looked down at her crime and felt the pressure in her chest start to deflate slowly like a balloon. The storm in her stomach started to calm to a still._

 _The pain of the cut pierced through the fog clouding her brain and surprised her. She signed in relief, unsure if it was the pain or the anxiety attack ending she was relieved about._

 _She sat in the tub for what felt like an hour, resting her heart rate and contemplating what to do about the injury on her wrist. The blood was starting to smear on the ceramic._

 _She stood up, shaky at first and made her way back out into the bedroom trying to convince herself that she was overreacting. She continued to recite to herself that there was no reason for her to be so weary of the world outside of her bedroom. There was no reason for her to be so afraid to go back to living her life the way it was before. She refused to let…him… take everything away from her again when she had worked so hard to enjoy life again just a few years ago._

 _She started to reach for the door and froze once again. Only able to focus again when Robin entered, pizza in hand._

Seeing Cyborg's face full of disappointment when he saw her wounds flooded Raven with embarrassment. She knew he couldn't understand how she was feeling and she didn't want him to find out. She never wanted to be viewed as vulnerable and now she felt like vulnerability was all that was left in her. She couldn't meet his eyes in shame and refused to meet Robin's in protest.

The Titan's alarm blared above their head and Raven's heart iced over with fear she had never experienced before. What was she supposed to do now? Could she even muster up the courage and confidence to fight again? Robin told her to stay behind and she could feel her pride bruised.

"I feel like I've lost myself." She thought out loud. She used to run after them to save the day. They had done it countless times before. Being a teen titan was everything to her. Helping her friends and community was the center of her world. What would become of her if she could not take care of those around her and more importantly, herself?

Something had to change. She needed to erase this whole ordeal and start over. But how could she possibly start over with something like this?


	7. Torn

_What do I even call this?_

 _Is this depression? Is that what I'm feeling? I figured I've always dealt with depression, but I've never felt like this before._

Raven's whole body felt heavy, like she had been wrapped in a wet tarp. Any possible energy that was once held in her body has now left her; all she could do was lay in her bed, wrapped tight in a blanket. Her head spun like a carousel and she gripped the blankets around her as if they were holding her person together.

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to meditate, when she heard a thump above her.

Her eyes flew open to see that one eye staring back at her.

 _He_ stood above her still and ominous, the gold side of his mask reflecting in the afternoon sun's glow. Raven's blood ran cold in her veins. Her heart stopped.

"Hello, Raven." His calm tone echoed through her hollow chest.

She rose from her bed, vibrating with panic as he lunged for her, she hit the floor, scrapping her knees against the violet rug, she stumbled to get up and run. He grabbed her wrist and squeezed hard, pulling her off of her feet and off of the ground by her wrist. He placed his other hand on her stomach.

"Are you ready for what I have planned for you, little bird?" He asked with a sickening chuckle.

Raven struggled against his grip. She reached up with her free hand and brought forth a beam of dark energy. She thrust it into his face, causing him to release her and fall to the ground. She stumbled to get up again and bolted out of her bedroom and down the hall, her feet thudding against the floor.

She skidded into the OPPS room and screamed the name she had been unable to speak out loud to herself with an uncontrollable tremor in her throat;

"SLADE!"

The titans wasted no time, jumping to their feet and rushing from the OPPS room and down the hallway. Beastboy stayed behind, grabbing Raven's shoulders as she stuttered in a hysterical rhythm of Azerathian dialect that he had never heard before.

"Raven! Raven snap out of it! I can't understand you!" Light bulbs were popping above their heads, showering down around them with shards of white glass and metal.

"RAVEN!" Her name roared from his throat with a volume that stopped Raven in her tracks. Her voice stopped. She stared at him, remembering the last time he had yelled like that. It had been when Terra had betrayed them, years ago. She broke his heart in ways that Raven could never relate to but could empathize. She felt his pain radiate off of his aura for months after she died. When it started to fade, Raven felt relieved for Beastboy; at least he had been smiling again. She could feel that sadness and anger again staring at his big green eyes. How could she make him feel this way again?

"I…I'm sorry." She uttered, still trembling as she spoke. Beastboy's eyes squinted, his eyebrow raised in confusion.

"What did he do to you, Raven?" Before she could say another word, the other titans entered the OPPS room, looking disturbed and concerned.

"What's wrong guys? Did you find him?" Beastboy asked. Raven turned to face her teammates. Her heart sank at their expressions.

"There was no one there." Starfire stated, slow and cautiously, as if she was afraid of the response she would receive with such a proclamation.

"No sign of entry. No fingerprints or foot prints. Raven, your windows are still locked." Cybord chimed in, also slow with his words.

They all stared at her with a look that Raven couldn't bear. She wasn't going crazy.

"I saw him. He grabbed me."

"There's no sign of him, Rae. Maybe you-"

Raven cut Beastboy off. "No, I saw him. I'm not crazy."

"We never said you were crazy, Raven; maybe you dreamt it." Robin offered. Raven's voice got firm.

"I didn't dream anything, he was there!"

"Rae-"

"Don't Rae me." Beastboy's eyes narrowed again.

"What the hell is going on, Raven? You've never freaked out about Slade like this before." Raven's throat lumped at the sound of his name. She didn't answer.

"Well?!" His voice got louder.

"Beastboy, it's not your concern." Robin ordered, Beastboy released Raven from his grip and approached Robin.

"The hell it isn't! We're a team! I want to know exactly what we're dealing with here! If he's got some new weapon or some new sadistic way of torturing people, Starfire and I have a right to know about it!"

"Cyborg and I are handling it Beastboy." Robin stated, firm in his leadership.

"Why are you hiding this from the rest of us?! The way Raven is acting isn't normal! How are we supposed to function as a team while she's behaving like this?!"

Beastboy was right; Raven knew she was acting irrationally. But she couldn't help it.

"Your only concern is to take orders and protect your teammates! This is a private matter and-"

"How could this possibly be private Robin? How could we go about our jobs with no information about what happened to our-"

The words came up from the deepest part of her abdomen, bubbling up and spilling out like vomit.

"I WAS RAPED!" It felt like the world had stopped. The silence was unbearable. Starfire's hands rose to her mouth, sadness in her eyes that Raven didn't want to see. Beastboy looked heartbroken. Cyborg looked down.

" Raven…I…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to-" Beastboy started to speak, reaching towards her, but Raven could feel the flashbacks of that day pushing through her subconscious to right behind her eyelids. It was too much. She turned away and started to walk to her room. She didn't feel safe outside. She didn't feel safe inside. What was she supposed to do?

Beastboy attempted to go after her, but Robin held him back.

"Let her go. This is difficult for all of us."

Raven walked with haste to her room, but once she made it to her door, she couldn't bear to go inside. She pressed her back against her door and slid down, wrapping her arms around her legs. She cringed when her wrist hit her leg and glanced down at her arm. Her wrist was bruising into a hand print shape…

She almost laughed at herself. Maybe she wasn't crazy after all.


	8. Remember

Chapter 8

Of course by the time the tabloids had finished spinning their stories about Raven's encounter to the hospital, various rumors had stretched across the entire city. When Robin picked up the latest issue of Jump City Enquirer along with the titan's other mail, he was almost sick with disgust.

"TEEN TITAN RAVEN ADMITTED INTO EMERGENCY ROOM?!

DRUGS?!

ABORTION COMPLICATIONS?!

LEARN THE FULL STORY HERE WITH EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEWS WITH THE TEAM AND NURSES ON SCENE!"

Robin knew there were no interviews with the team, and he was certain that there were no nurses that would come forward to spin a story like that. The Titans had worked with Jump City Memorial for years, and he was convinced that seeing Raven in such a state would prevent them from selling a bogus story like that to the press. No, the tabloids cooked this story up themselves.

Perhaps to humor himself, he opened the magazine on the front stoop of Titans Tower. He wanted to know how serious the rumors were.

He was met with a full two page layout of Raven being brought into the ER, wrapped in Robin's cape along with several side pictures of Raven being guided by Starfire into the T-Car, bruises exaggerated by the unflattering flash of the paparazzi cameras. The author of the article spin a tale of Raven's drug use, going on a three day cocaine and sex bender and getting mugged and beaten because of her status as a titan; Editorial reporting indeed.

None of this was true, obviously. But this wasn't the first time that the Titans had to deal with the press. The Titans were considered public figures as well as celebrities and often had an influence in public policy concerning crime control. Due to this, they were often on the covers of the local newspaper and several magazines. Sometimes the articles were positive and empowering for the Titans; other times, they were sensationalized and absolutely horrible. There was once a story about Cyborg being a stripper- that one wasn't thoroughly thought through.

Raven was the last one to ever consider going on _any_ sort of bender; while Robin knew very little about Raven's romantic history other than the simple fact that it's a short history, she was far from what the magazines often tried to portray her as. Robin wasn't sure if they did this because she was often quiet or because of how she looked; her body propped her up to almost as much sexual scrutiny as Starfire.

Robin pulled out a laser pen from his utility belt and decided that Raven did not need to see slander like this right now. It worked well for cutting through glass; it also worked well for starting small fires. He ran the laser through the thin magazine paper and the material ignited into a small flame. He dropped the magazine from his grip and watched it crisp black at his feet; one less thing they need to worry about, at least for the moment.

Raven was never big on romantic relationships growing up, simply because through most of her childhood, she was convinced she wouldn't live long enough to be able to have one. When Trigon was defeated and Raven was freed from his prophecy, she was caught off guard at the idea of romance and sex. She had casually dated, like her short series of cafe and movie dates with the Goth guy Gavin that went nowhere or that gentlemanly barista Michael that she met at the library and then drifted away from; but it wasn't until Trigon's defeat that she had ever attempted to partake in a serious relationship.

Her fling with Aqualad, or Garth, depending on how well you knew him, was her first and only long term attempt at a relationship. About a year after Raven obtained her freedom, Titans East had formed. Since Cyborg had worked with them extensively for several months to settle them into their new tower in Boston, the newly formed team often visits to reconnect and trade notes with their western counterparts. Cyborg's long distance relationship with Bumble Bee was a factor as well.

It took another year, just before Raven's 18th birthday that she and Garth really started to notice each other. While the rest of the Titans from both teams did not think much of it while it was happening, they did notice a tremendous change in both Raven and Garth's demeanors after their first date. They never labeled it, but Robin noticed Raven smiling just a little more often, and Garth becoming a little more relaxed with group activities. They celebrated Raven's 18th birthday party with more enthusiasm than anyone else there. Everything seemed to be looking up.

Raven's first time happened to be with him one night, months later, in the middle of July. The air was heavy with humidity, making it hard to breathe, even for the local superhero force. The Titan's tower air conditioner had difficulty keeping up, and thanks to Beastboy getting frustrated with the insufficient cool air flow, the machine burned out. This left Cyborg in the basement repairing the AC, Beastboy out in the city to collect ice, and the rest of the titans slowly boiling in the summer heat. It was only as the sun started to set that Garth recommended to Raven that they should find an alternate solution to the baking heat.

They snuck down the back stairwell of the tower and out into the caves hidden under the tower. Raven felt it was appropriate, as this was the location in which she was first formally introduced to her aquatic friend.

When they dipped their bodies into the warm water, Garth immediately felt at home. The limestone glimmered as he splashed about, showing off for the girl he'd become so fond of. The dim light of the sun setting coming through the cave's opening illuminated Raven and Garth's forms. She slowly approached him slowly, wanting to soak in the moment. She had been feeling a little daring, a little bit brave, and in a fit of flirtatiousness she fell into Garth's arms. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her heavily. The attraction they had for each at that time was unstoppable like a magnet and neither of them wanted to stop it. A first time having sex is often messy, clumsy and uncomfortable, but they made it memorable. Raven never once considered regretting it.

Of course seasons changed and so did they. Garth protested Raven's emotional distance and lack of openness and passion. Raven couldn't connect with Garth in the way that she felt that she should, and these issues lead to fights. They may have been attracted to each other but they lacked the chemistry that would hold them together forever. When they broke up it was quiet; most of their teammates didn't even realize it had happened right away. They didn't make it difficult for everyone else but the Titans East slowly stopped coming around quite as often.

Up until now, Raven looked at those memories fondly; her life was much simpler when all she had to worry about were Garth's antics like his attempt to liberate the animals from Sea World. Raven sat in her bedroom as the night began to fall, fingering through the few token jewelry pieces she owned, she came across a small ring decorated with an open knot; the promise ring he had given her so long ago; he was so convinced that they were meant to be that he wanted to marry her someday. His over-enthusiasm for moving too quickly was one of the things that drew her away from him. He didn't want her anymore, and after what had happened to her, there was no way that he would ever want her after what had happened to her; but she didn't want to be Slade's property. She didn't want to let Slade have the last say in her sexuality. She had gotten over Garth over a year ago and yet she wished she had loved him perhaps so she could find a set of arms to crawl into; so she could erase Slade's marks on her body.

Robin's smile flashed behind her eyelids, and she flinched away from herself as warmth spread to her cheeks.

She scolded herself; "You know that's a bad idea." She agreed with the rational part of herself, but at the same time Robin made her feel safe. He made her feel protected and maybe even loved. She wasn't sure, but if anyone could erase Slade's influence on her, it was Robin.

Quietly, Raven opened her bedroom door, checking both ways for way too long before venturing out of her haven. Her feet treaded lightly against the carpeted hallway as she journeyed to Robin's bedroom. She could feel the rational part of her consciousness disassociating from her body, calling her back, begging her to stop and turn back, but her body refused to listen.

She knocked on Robin's door with the quietest force necessary. Of course Robin heard her approach long before she started knocking. When he opened the door, he invited her in warmly.

"Hi Raven, are you alright? What's wrong?" He asked concern lacing his voice. He was concerned for her. He cared about her; more than Garth, more than the other Titans, more than anyone else.

"I need you to do something for me."

Before Robin could answer, her lips had already crashed into his. Her weight thrown against his body caused him to stumble back into his desk, spilling paperwork and pens onto the floor. He grabbed her by the hips to hold her steady, but she was pushing them into his; Her breasts pressed into his chest and her hips grinding into his, desperately trying to convey the message that she wanted him.

At least, she thought she did.

Robin pushed her off of him, sending her flying onto the floor. He looked down at her with shock and confusion, but all Raven could look at was Robin's black sweatpants. Superhero or not, Robin was still a man and reacted in the way that most men would. He followed Raven's gaze and his face flushed red when he noticed his reaction. He cleared his throat, turned away from Raven's view and attempted to adjust himself so his erection was not as noticeable.

Raven felt herself overcome with embarrassment. What was she thinking jumping him like that? How could she possibly think that was okay after being assaulted herself? Her mind was buzzing, silencing Robin's words before they could enter her ears. It took all of the effort she could muster to focus herself on Robin's words;

"…Your leader and this isn't really professional.."

"…Tension between us has been building up…"

"I do have feelings for you but…"

"… You're in shock and…"

"You don't really want this…"

"…Starfire and I…"

"…speak to Cyborg about getting you someone to talk to…"

Raven stopped to think.

"I…I don't want to talk to anyone about this Robin…I just want you to..." It all felt ridiculous to her now, sprawled out on Robin's bedroom floor, rejected and mortified at her actions. What was she expecting to happen?

"To what? To take advantage of you while you're feeling this way and have my way with you? That's not right and you know it."

"It's not taking advantage if I'm asking for it, Robin." He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Are you listening to yourself?"

Raven hesitated.

"Raven, you were just raped; violated. I can't imagine what you're going through but you're somehow expecting me to just turn around and fuck you like that never happened?!"

Raven flinched, startled by Robin's harsh choice of words; he didn't cuss very often, and when he did, he was often angry or frustrated at something.

"I just...I don't want Slade owning my body anymore. I don't want his hands on me…" Raven wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm sorry to do this to you Robin. Clearly I've made a mistake."

She stood up, shaky and unsure of herself now that her feelings were exposed. This was all wrong and she knew it. How could she do this to her friendship with him? Jeopardize it in such a way? He doesn't want her like that. He never did. Robin had Starfire, and she never stood a chance even before Slade had gotten to her. Now she was damaged goods, no one would want her now.

Raven turned to leave and Robin reached out for her, urging her through their bond to turn around.

When she did, Robin looked at her sullenly. She could feel his emotions swirling inside of his mind like mixed paint.

"When you're better...we can talk about this...Alright?" He asked, hopeful. She nodded before quickly exiting.

She would love to talk to him, to figure her feelings for him out, but she knew deep in her heart.

 _Silly Robin, I'm never going to get better._


	9. My Demons

Chapter 9

The tension in the air was so thick it could be cut with a knife.

Starfire could not quite determine what was causing the tension between Raven and Robin but she was convinced something bad had happened between them. Of course, no one was willing to tell her.

The tower had become so quiet after Raven's assault. Starfire could notice Cyborg's feelings of dread, of Beastboy's confusion and Raven's pure shock. The only Titan she couldn't get a reading on is Robin.

They had grown so apart in the last few years. Starfire was once so convinced of her and Robin's love that she was almost planning in her mind to go back to Tameran and get married. Then slowly, Starfire began to notice she and Robin not talking as often. She noticed plans becoming cancelled more and more often, and she noticed that Robin didn't quite look at her the same way that he had once before.

Then Raven's assault happened, and now Robin hasn't said a word directly to her since. Starfire was beginning to wonder if it had been something she did to drive Robin away, or perhaps he just had a change of heart. She could not think of anything in particular that she had done to warrant such a distancing between them, but then again she was rarely one to pretend she had no faults.

The tower had become so glum that Starfire felt some company was needed. She phoned the Titans East and told them that they all needed some cheering up. Surely their colorful friends on the East Coast could make the rest of the team smile. Unaware of the situation at the tower and convinced by Starfire's innocent plea for help, the Titans East were more than happy to help. They would be at the tower by morning. Starfire was excited, she couldn't wait for the team to smile and laugh again.

She left the OOPS room and headed to her own bedroom when she noticed the muffled yelling of who she could only assume was Robin from down the hall. As she got closer to Robin's room, she watched Raven's hunched over form emerging from the door. Her face was read and her eyes were watering with tears; she glanced up to see Starfire's face but wasted no time rounding the corner of the hallway.

Starfire hesitated for a moment before knocking firmly on Robin's door. He did not respond immediately. He opened the door slowly, his cheeks flushed and his eyes looking down. When he looked up, his eyes widened in fear. He felt like he had been caught doing something wrong.

"Hello Robin, you seem distressed. May I come in?" He wouldn't look Starfire in the eye, a practice almost unheard of back home in Tamaran. On Earth, it often meant guilt or dishonesty. Starfire felt her blood run cold.

"Star, I'm kind of tired right now…Can we talk in the morning?" Starfire squared her shoulders and inhaled deeply. She could not wait, not after seeing the emotions in Raven's eyes.

"Robin, I would like to speak with you now please." Robin sighed with defeat while he widened the door for Starfire to enter. She paced in confidently, but once she turned to face him, her confidence flew from her grasp.

"What is it, Starfire?" He whispered. "It's late."

"Robin, may I speak with you for a moment?" Robin hesitated a second longer that Starfire would have liked, so she stepped forward.

"Robin, if it is not too much trouble, I would like to discuss some things with you…I am…confused…about us."

Robin cleared his throat and started rubbing the back of his neck with his palm.

"I'm sorry Starfire, but this is not a good time. Between the caseload we have and the press conference with the Mayor next week, we really can't–"

"I thought you and I were in...I mean, we never do "the talking" anymore. You do not speak to me Robin…I feel as though you do not care about me anymore."

Robin's face softened.

"Of course I care about you, Star. It's just that-"He paused, once again hesitating.

"I think there is just too much happening right now for us to be, well, intimate. I mean, Raven feels everything in the tower and I'm concerned about-" Starfire could not help but interrupt.

"I am not discussing Raven right now, and I am not discussing the 'intimacy' Robin. I am discussing us." Starfire felt frustrated. How could she discuss their relationship if Robin continues to bring up other topics? And what made him associate Raven with intimacy?

"Right, Star, I get that, but Raven's behavior has lead me to some-"

"Behavior?" Starfire questioned out loud. Before Robin could begin to elaborate, Starfire's eyes glanced downward; Robin's erect member causing an irregular obstruction in his sweatpants. Starfire felt her eyes widen and she suddenly began to feel ill. This was not how this conversation was supposed to turn out.

"What did she do?" She probed quietly. Robin quickly became pale.

"Starfire, I promise, nothing happened..." Starfire pointed downward at the noticeable appendage, causing Robin to flush red.

"That does not appear to be nothing, Robin!" Robin threw his hands up and took a gradual step backwards. His internal conflict was substantial; does he tell Starfire of Raven's behavior or risk her believing he was being unfaithful? Is it even considered unfaithful given their distance as of late?

He knew what the correct answer should be, and he knew what needed to be said, but his throat became desert dry and lumped and his lungs decompressed the air that was left in them. He could not speak and he was not sure why.

Starfire's eyes welled up with tears and Robin could feel his heart drop out of his chest. She was misunderstanding...She could not possibly think-But she did. And without another word, she turned and flew from the office in a flash of red and green. Robin still could not breathe.

Raven's humiliation brought blood to her face and a shakiness to her hands. Approaching Robin in the manner that she had felt quiet alien to her. She had very rarely desired anything of that sort, and was unsure of how to handle such rejection. She could not make peace with the embarrassment and did not trust herself to become alone with her thoughts for the remainder of the night.

"Raven?Are you alright?" The dark eyed bird looked up from her sitting position in the hallway to see none other than Beastboy above her. His face affixed to a subtle concerned smile. Raven's embarrassment deepened, feeling self-consciousness of her current state bubble to the service as well. Of course she would be caught at that moment. Five members in the giant Tower and one of them just had to be walking down that hallway at exactly that time. Such was her luck…

Raven wanted to lie, dismiss his anxiety so that there would be one less pair of eyes studying her every single day.

But Raven also felt weary of being left alone again.

"I'm just...I-I don't want to be alone…" She felt the words drift from her mouth, and decided that this was as close to the truth that she was comfortable disclosing to her green teammate.

Beastboy nodded slowly before pressing his back into the wall next to her and sliding down to sit next to her.

"Well, you're not alone, Rae. I'll stay with you as long as you need me." His confident statement took Raven off guard while also feeling a brief flush of relief wash over her. Robin had rejected her, perhaps Beastboy would not…

She could feel her power leech into his brain, giving him the idea of inviting her to his room, giving him the anonymous idea that she was uncomfortable staying by herself. Beastboy was particularly susceptible to her coercion.

Slowly he took her hand in a gentle grip and assisted her to her feet.

'You know, you're welcome to stay in my room tonight. Sometimes it's easier to, you know, share a room with someone you can trust."

Raven nodded and allowed Beastboy to lead her to his bedroom, past Cyborg's room, past Robin's room, past the OPPS room.

Beastboy's room was still cluttered, dirty clothing laying on the floor and crooked posters lining the walls. The dressers covered in miscellaneous items from hair gel tubes to random mechanical parts.

So lived in; almost a complete mirror opposite of her own meticulous space.

Beastboy approached the bed, pulled back the covers and fluffed the pillows. He turned to Raven and gave her a wide smile.

"Here you go Rae, you can sleep here and I'll take the floor."

Raven peered down at the carpet; it did not appear comfortable.

"Beastboy please, there is no way i could take you out of your own-" Beastboy held his hand up.

"Please, it's the least I could do. We're friends right?" Raven gazed upwards art him. When did he become so tall?

"Of course."

Beastboy motioned to the bed.

"Get some sleep then. I'll protect you, I promise."

Raven slowly tucked herself into bed as Beastboy quickly changed into a car and settled into a shirt on the floor.

She curled around the pillow, engulfed in the smell of Beastboy's cologne. She was finally able to drift off to sleep knowing that even if Robin was not willing to step up for her, someone else might be.


End file.
